Relating | Should your EX be your friend or enemy?
by roxanne on 07/14/10 at 9:41 am
When you break up with someone, do you break off all communication…
According to a new study from the University of Utah, you should.
Hating your ex after a breakup makes you feel better — and might be necessary in order for you to move on. People who had strong negative feelings about their ex immediately after the breakup were less likely to be depressed. So, while you might be tempted to take the high road and keep the relationship on good terms, the scientific facts show that making a clean break might be the way to go. Embrace your anger! Source: Independent
Hmmm…seems a little much don’t you think?
If the person was significant enough to date and they didn’t do you totally wrong, isn’t it worth salvaging the relationship?
Granted it may be harder, but it is definitely worth it. Last Spring I parted ways with a guy who thus far is the love of my life… I broke up with him, but I didn’t break off the underlying relationship. Was it hard? Yes. Did it take some strength, adjustment, etc.? Of course.
But it also allowed me to keep a friend I have had for 14 years. To me the pain was worth it.
I say life is too short, leave the animosity for those who have done something (beyond breaking up with you) to warrant such a response. And eventually when you are ready to heal, show a little grace and let that anger go.
What has worked for you?
Sheila
Jul 15th, 2010
I think a clean cut of communication is important in the beginning of a break up. It is too hard to move on with your life when you are constantly reminded of your ex. Hearing their voice is one thing, but you also have to eliminate the other things… This meaning mementos- like that picture hanging of you two in your room, the cute anniversary card they made you, and even that shirt they gave you. Everything. Memories are inscribed in our hearts forever, that right there is all you should have of a pass ex.
I think its okay to be friends with an ex when you have gotten pass all the questions, the why’s?, the confusion, the hate and the tears. If you can constantly pray and wish happy things for this person and not get upset when you see them or hear about them with someone else and actually be happy for them. Then I think your at a place where if friendship is invited and has graced itself the opportunity then I think it is perfectly healthy to do so. You have to make sure that the motivation and intentions behind your friendship are in the right light. For both parties. If this person was an important part of your life, I think it is important to be friends with this person in the future. So many of us hold onto our pride and forget that we once loved this person very much.
Plus you never know where it might lead you, maybe you realize wow this person is not the one for me at all. Or maybe you both realize with time apart that you still love each other dearly. Maybe certain Questions will be answered. But We have to be reminded- “Do not arouse or awaken love, until is so desires”- Verse in Song of Solomon. Do not try to get back with the person if they broke up with you, do not try to win their hearts… God knows your intentions. So make sure its purely for the sake of catching up and being a friend.
Let God do the rest.
roxanne
Jul 23rd, 2010
Positive even in pain…
Incredulous
Jul 14th, 2010
Break it off. Clean destruction. Because it becomes one of the many crutches that either reaches for in times of romantic duress. It’s a lot of grey that gets mixed into that “friendship”, and whether or not you realize, you harbor ill feelings from how it all ended that will undoubtedly pop up in the mix.
UNLESS you can dissociate for more than a year and post-process the relationship over the course of the next 18 years. This is the only thing that has ever worked for me in this idea. Other people THINK it’s worked, but scratch beneath the surface and you’ll find there’s rage, wounded hearts, and unresolved issues bubbling underneath.
roxanne
Jul 23rd, 2010
Talk about a dose of reality. So you would do the rip the band-aid off approach…